For Five Minute Friday!
For me, after is often the worst part. I have this awful habit of analyzing everything once it’s happened. I think it comes from my need (and ability? sure, why not…lets make it positive!) to have an opinion about everything. My analytical after is at its worst, though, when I think back on conversations. Conversations with anyone, really…friends, family, acquaintances, co-workers, the lady who happened to be on the sidewalk near our house who I’ll never see again. I pick over every single word that was exchanged and wonder about it all. Was I boring? Did I talk too much? Did I say the wrong thing? Did I offend? Did we bond? (Because, you know, I need to bond with random women on the sidewalk.) Was it a good conversation (or, in all honesty, did the other person think it was a good conversation)? Do they think I’m a neat girl?
I’ll spend hours doing this sometimes. I’ve lost sleep over it. I’ve probably lost some hair pigment from it. And I always thought that after I got to a certain age *ahem30ahem*, that maybe this paranoia would fade. Maybe I could get to a point where I didn’t have to examine each conversation I have to see whether or not it ruined a relationship or the chance at one. But two years into my thirties, I’m still doing it with no signs of stopping.
I think my analytical after is here for to stay.