Peace

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Another photo+quote image that I made for KOTH. I’ve been making these for almost a year now. It’s a good thing I have about 1.2 million photos on my hard drive. 🙂

Several years ago, the church that E and I were attending at the time had this intense counseling program called The Journey. I decided to do it for various reasons and after I signed up, I was inserted into a group of other women who I had never met before. We each had our stories…our pasts. We each had our issues. We each had our sadnesses. There was one woman in the group in particular also named Rebecca who I really grew to respect and admire simply because of what she had gone through and the beautiful, sweet, kind woman she had become.

At Christmas, which marked the mid-point of the series, we had a little Christmas party for our group. Some women brought everyone else gifts, and Rebecca was one of them. Her gift of a book of Christian poetry devotions had a card affixed to it with this quote on the front and I’ve never forgotten it. It was just so quintessentially her that it stuck with me, not only because I admired her so much, but also because the quote was exactly something I needed, and continue to need, to hear.

There are times these days when I have to really hold on to this idea of peace. Particularly when I’m in the middle of a long day with two kids, trying to get some cleaning done, trying to make sure B doesn’t go stir-crazy, trying to make sure C is getting what she needs, trying to figure out work things, trying to make sure I take care of myself to a certain extent as well, and suddenly something happens and B is screaming and then C is screaming and I’m trying to figure out what went wrong. The other day I was standing in the living room, attempting to get C into my wrap (her constant dwelling during the day lately) and B called from the bathroom that I needed to come and help him RIGHTNOW, which I couldn’t do. So he started screaming then C started crying and as I was sitting there listening to my two kids wailing at the top of their lungs, struggling to get the chubby little legs of one of them into various loops while calling to the other one that I’d come as soon as I could, I just entered this state of calm. My mind was quiet. I didn’t panic. I just finished what I was doing (getting C into the wrap) without overreacting and then moved on to the next task at hand (wiping B’s butt). One thing at a time. Just take one thing at a time.

I don’t think it’s the same as having peace in my heart and I’d love to get to a place in my life where I do know a true peace in my heart regardless of my circumstances. But for now, I’ll take the weird mama zen as long as it comes to me.

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