Letting Go of Reputation (Commonplacing from 'Celebration of Discipline')

One reason we can hardly bear to remain silent is that it makes us feel so helpless. We are so accustomed to relying upon words to manage and control others. If we are silent, who will take control? God will take control, but we will never let him take control until we trust him. Silence is intimately related to trust.
The tongue is our most powerful weapon of manipulation. A frantic stream of words flows from us because we are in a constant process of adjusting our public image. We fear so deeply what we think other people see in us that we talk in order to straighten out their understanding. If I have done some wrong thing (or even some right thing that I think you may misunderstand) and discover that you know about it, I will be very tempted to help you understand my action! Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper on all self-justification.
One of the fruits of silence is freedom to let God be our justifier. We don’t need to straighten others out. There is a story of a medieval monk who was being unjustly accused of certain offences. One day he looked out his window and saw a dog biting and tearing on a rug that had been hung out to dry. As he watched, the Lord spoke to him saying, ‘That is what is happening to your reputation. But if you will trust me, I will care for you – reputation and all.’ Perhaps more than anything else, silence brings us to believe that God can care for us – ‘reputation and all.’
Richard Foster (Celebration of Disicpline)

I haven’t published a commonplacing post in a while, but I felt it was time as I have recently shared this particular quote from Celebration of Discipline with several friends. Of course, this isn’t my first commonplace entry from this specific book (I have another one here), and I’m almost certain it won’t be my last as, even four years after having read it, so much of it has stuck with me. But this quote, in particular, has been comforting and inspiring to me so many times in recent years. And the response I have received from those I’ve shared it with who struggle in this area as well has inspired me to share it here also.

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t the whole idea of a poor reputation that made me underline, highlight, and copy this quote into my commonplace book. It was the phrase, “A frantic stream of words flows from us because we are in a constant process of adjusting our public image.” Those who have met me in real life and gotten past my initial shy stage know that there is a frantic stream of words that continuously flows from my mouth. Sometimes it’s because I really do have a lot to say, but then sometimes, I’ve said too much, and now I need to say more to explain why I said the other things. And it snowballs and grows, and there are usually more words.

When I begin reading a section of a book, article, blog post, or anything, really, that I feel will resonate deeply with me, my heart begins to beat a little faster in anticipation of the forthcoming inspiration. Of course, it’s not always nearly as inspiring as I anticipate, but in this case, as soon as I came across those particular words, “A frantic stream of words flows from us…” (emphasis mine), I knew this section was for me. Because my talking is often frantic, I so often regret that stream, both for its excessiveness and for what it includes. How did my words come across to the person who received them? How do they now perceive me? Did I say the right things? Was I too flippant (as is often the case)? Or said too much? Or all of the above? Are they even thinking about that conversation at all?

As I’ve pondered, mulled over, and mentally digested this quote over the last few years, it has meant different things to me at different times. Initially, there was peace. Realizing that I don’t need to explain myself constantly and try and “fix” the perception of me that other people may have is freeing. Knowing that I really can just be myself, flaws and all, and God can take care of how others receive me.

On the other hand, there was also a little sadness in it. I regretted not having realized this idea of God caring for my reputation many years ago as it probably would’ve saved me the frantic stream of many, many words, as well as the loss of a few friendships.

As time has passed, however, a new element has also attached itself to this quote, and that initial peace I felt actually began to morph into more of a struggle. Knowing that I don’t have to worry about my reputation and practicing, as Foster puts in the quote above, “silence” as a “Discipline of the Spirit” is much, much easier said than done, at least in my case. And while there have been situations where I have held my tongue and trusted that all would be okay, there have been other situations where the frantic stream has not stopped flowing despite the remonstrances coming from that still small voice in my mind.

We are all works in progress, and so I trust, as in all areas, that the Holy Spirit will work in me in this area, also. In the meantime, I am sharing this quote with those who have fallen into situations where their reputations might be on rocky footing or, like me, they struggle with a frantic stream of words. Sometimes this is with someone who is widely known with a broad audience and income that relies on their good reputation, and sometimes it is a friend who is struggling because someone misinterpreted something they said, and they’re facing the consequences of that. I feel like this is a message that can be helpful and life-giving for anyone. God is in control in all areas, even when our mouths get the better of us.