How to Practice Mother Culture

Last week, I continued the series of blog posts I started last month talking about the idea of mother culture. I wrote about what mother culture is, why to practice it, and then how to get started with it (to summarize: make it a priority, even if only for a small amount of time each day!). This week, I’m sharing how you can practice it, with ideas from the original Parents’ Review article that inspired this series.

Now that we know what it is, why it’s important, and how to get started, we can explore how we can go about practicing it. It can look very different for different people, but I think the easiest way to approach it is through the habit of reading good books. In the article specifically, the author offers this advice from a friend:

The wisest woman I ever knew—the best wife, the best mother, the best mistress, the best friend—told me once, when I asked her how, with her weak health and many calls upon her time, she managed to read so much:…

And her friend answered that she always had three books going at a time:

“I always keep three books going–a stiff book, a moderately easy book, and a novel, and I always take up the one I feel fit for!” That is the secret; always have something “going” to grow by. If we mothers were all “growing” there would be less going astray among our boys, less separation in mind from our girls.

It’s such a simple idea, but I have found that it is very powerful when put into practice! So, let’s look at those categories a little more.

Three Types of Books

A Stiff Book

The first kind of book she mentions is a “stiff” book. The type of book that I would put into this category is something that challenges you intellectually or teaches you something new. Unless you enjoy reading them, I would not put a textbook in this category. From my experience (and Charlotte Mason has also said), textbooks are usually just plain dry, and I don’t believe we necessarily retain knowledge from a book that we don’t enjoy reading, or at least find compelling.

Stiff books in the sense that this woman’s friend is using in this quote would be books that are written by people who have a passion for their subject areas, the book is about something that I want to read for my own education, or it teaches me a new skill. For instance, over the last few years, I’ve been interested in herbalism, so I’ve been getting books from the library that cover things that would fall under that topic, like how to grow herbs and use them medicinally. I’ve been reading artist biographies or other books related to art, like art controversies or overviews of specific movements. I also enjoy history, so I’ve been reading books about different historical periods or events in history.

Essentially, these books cover any subject you’d like to learn more about and are written in an engaging way. These are also books that you most likely want to take in smaller chunks and give yourself time to ponder and assimilate what you’re reading (maybe even narrate to yourself!). The beauty of not reading for a class or any other kind of deadline is that you can take it slowly, and I think these stiffer books become more enjoyable and more attainable for us because of that.

I’ll also add that specific books that I would put into this category would be Charlotte Mason’s original six-volume series. In my experience, these books are best digested slowly, especially if you are not in the practice of reading educational books from the 19th- and early-20th centuries (as I was when I started reading them!). There is so much goodness in these books, but they are dense, and to really benefit from them, it’s better to read them slowly.

Other types of books that might go into this category are those that would fall under the “spiritual formation” banner. I actually keep these books separate from the three categories as I read them as part of a daily devotion or quiet time, which you can read more about here.

Moderately Easy Book

The second category is a moderately easy book. Generally, I put classics or a heftier work of modern fiction in this category. This would be something like Jane Austen or Charles Dickens, or one of the Russian authors who wrote books that are several inches thick. Some modern authors would be Wendell Berry or Marilynne Robinson. These books were probably written in story form, but the language might be from a different era, or the story hints at a deeper meaning. The ideas are not quite as watered down as they might be in a more modern novel.

Novel

The final category is a novel, and this is entirely up to you! I sometimes refer to these as my “fluffy reads.” It’s the type of book you might picture yourself reading at the beach or on vacation or something that’s probably more lighthearted and relaxing. Charlotte Mason referred to these types of books as “elbow-chairs” for our minds. Some of my favorite books to plug into this category are the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde. Generally, you can’t go wrong with books about books!

So those were the three categories of books that she always had going from which to choose. I’m assuming that she had one book in each category, which I think is fine, and that’s what I did when I began this practice. More recently, I have started adding more than one book in each category, but that’s not necessarily how you have to do it, and it might not even be the best plan, either. I’m giving it a try.

Another thing I want to add is to give yourself grace! And this is good for all three categories. If I’m reading a book that’s not resonating with me, or I don’t find it interesting, I’ll stop reading it. Not too long ago, I read an article from someone who had calculated, approximately for them, based on their reading rate, how many books they could read in their whole life. She then compared that number to how many books are out there, and there’s no way we can ever read all of the books that we want to read in our lives. So spending time reading a book we started reading and feel like we have to finish isn’t necessarily a good idea. This was hard for me to accept because when I start a book, I feel like I have to finish it. But after reading that article, I decided to give myself grace, and if I start reading a book and I don’t like it or find it engaging, I stop reading it and move on to a different book.

A pleasant side effect of all of this reading is that keeping track of the books you’ve read and the books you want to read for each category in the future also becomes a bit of a hobby. I have been known to spend no small amount of time perusing booklists in the hunt for new titles. I like to keep track of those I want to read and those I’ve read on Goodreads, but I also very much appreciate the art of pen and paper and have admired this beautiful Book Lover’s Companion from Tea & Ink Society (she also has a Reading Log for families!).

Which Book to Read

Once she had her three categories of books, when she took some time to read, she picked the book that she felt like reading at that moment. It was very simple, and that’s how she managed to maintain a reading life. And I have found in my own mother culture journey, and since I’ve changed my practice to doing this, that I am able to get through quite a few different books even though I don’t have much time to spend on reading!

For me, having specific “mother culture time” set aside in my daily routine has helped. In the evening, after my kids are in their rooms for the night but before their lights are out (they are usually reading themselves), I have a stack of books on my headboard, and I go through that every night.

I start with pre-reads. These are the books that I read ahead of my kids because I like to read what they’re reading and talk about the books with them, but I also just like to be aware of what they’re consuming. So I read some of those each night, which usually works out to about a chapter.

I then move on to my stiff book and, again, read about a chapter or just a few pages from that, however much I feel like reading. Then I move on to my moderately easy book and read as much as I want of that. And I finally end with my novel. Or if I’m not in the mood for all three of them, I just read the one that sounds the best at that moment. It’s very flexible.

You can fit reading in at other times of the day as well. Sometimes, I’ll read while waiting for water to boil in the kitchen or some other kitchen task that takes time but doesn’t require me to be actively doing something. I keep a book in the kitchen just for this purpose. I’ll also read while I’m eating my lunch. Right now, I’m reading a book about family scheduling in preparation for a talk I’ll be giving at our retreat in February. I sneak reading in whenever I can, and that helps.

Another aspect to consider is that many of us spend a lot of time on our phones every day to browse social media or for any other reason. However, this is also a time when we could grab a book instead of grabbing our phones.

And, of course, there are audiobooks! Audiobooks have revolutionized reading for many people (including myself!). If you have a hard time reading, sometimes listening is so much easier. Most libraries have access to audiobooks, and you can listen to them whenever it’s convenient. I listen to audiobooks during my morning walk, when I’m cooking supper, and doing other tasks on my household to-do list. It makes chores that I might not otherwise enjoy easier to get to as I have something to look forward to while doing them.

We have many options now for reading books that can make that half-hour not seem so unattainable!

In my next post in this series, I’ll offer more ideas for other types of mother culture. If you’re not subscribed to the newsletter, you can be notified here when the new post is up!

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