How to Get Started with Mother Culture
Last month, I began a series of posts that I plan to revisit through the summer all about the idea of Mother Culture. To summarize, I’ll use this quote from the Parents’ Review article which inspired this series:
What we need is a habit of taking our minds out of what one is tempted to call ‘the domestic rag-bag’ of perplexities, and giving it a good airing in something which keeps it ‘growing.’ A brisk walk will help. But, if we would do our best for our children, grow we must; and on our power of growth surely depends, not only our future happiness, but our future usefulness… Is there not some need for “mother culture”?
A., PARENTS’ REVIEW VOLUME 3, NO. 2, 1892/93, PP. 92-95
After talking about what exactly Mother Culture is in my last post, in this post, I want to talk about how we actually begin the habit of mother culture in our lives, especially when it feels like we don’t have any extra time. In the article, the author says:
‘But how is the state of things to be altered? So many mothers say, “I simply have no time for myself!” “I never read a book!”
I have definitely felt this way and offered these excuses at various times in my life, and I know I’m not alone in this. I also know that there can be a level of guilt that materializes when we think about taking time for ourselves, but there are so many other things that need to be done (or people who need to be taken care of!). Even in Ms. Mason’s day, the idea of it being selfish to take that time for ourselves was common. The author goes on to say:
Or else, “I don’t think it is right to think of myself!” They not only starve their minds, but they do it deliberately, and with a sense of self-sacrifice which seems to supply ample justification. There are, moreover, unfortunately, only too many people who think that sort of thing so lovely that public opinion appears to justify it. But does public opinion justify anything?…It can never justify anything which leads to the “Oh, it’s only mother” tone in any young person.
Not only do we lose ourselves when we get caught up in that domestic ragbag, but those closest to us can lose us – the real us – as well.
The author then went on to ask, “How is this state to be altered?” And her answer to that is:
Mother must have time to herself. And we must not say “I cannot.” Can any of us say till we have tried, not for one week, but for one whole year, day after day, that we “cannot” get one half-hour out of the twenty-four for “Mother Culture”?—one half-hour in which we can read, think, or “remember.”
When I first read that part of the article, I thought, “A half hour isn’t much!” And it really didn’t feel like much when I thought of it in the way she put it. However, when I started trying to put it into practice, it was too much. I didn’t have a spare half hour unless I wanted to sacrifice sleep, which was not an option for me at that point.
So I thought, “Well, I can’t do a half hour, but maybe I can do 15 minutes.” So, I did 15 minutes, which was more manageable. I have been able to add more in some seasons and less in others. Some days, it’s only five minutes; some days, it’s not at all, but I keep having it as a goal.
We can’t just say we will do it and hope the time materializes. We have to be intentional about it but also realistic. And we have to try. We have to make it a priority and get started, no matter what the amount of time we can spare ends up being. Try 15 minutes, try five minutes, but even just a little time is a step toward that goal of continuing to grow and cultivate ourselves, and not allowing our minds to get stuck in that domestic rag bag!
In my next post, I’ll discuss what Mother Culture looks like and how to incorporate it into your life practically!
I agree, we, as mothers, make too many excuses for why we can’t take care of ourselves. Especially as Christian women, we have no excuse for not enjoying the rest the Lord offers daily.
The problem is we fill every quiet/empty space with chores, to-do lists, activities, and other things. Plus endless scrolling, responding to every text, or making phone calls.
We have to stop filling the day and start asking God, “What do you need me to do?” God will remove your agenda, to-do list, schedules, etc. It is His day that has been granted to us. Not our day. And moms have to stop doing everything for their children that they are capable of doing themselves. A mom’s job is not to entertain their children, we are to give them purposeful domestic work that nourishes and contributes to the home and family.
When I take my kids outside, we go for a walk and explore nature, and then they have free play to do whatever they choose (in safety) while I read or write. All in my backyard. We establish quiet time every day (also for naps) when I can tidy up, exercise, and relax. My children either nap or play quietly (read, puzzles, quiet manipulatives). We practice quiet time until it becomes a habit, a routine.
Trust me, I have not arrived at following my own advice and Gods, but I am working towards it. I love my family and am called to serve others, but how can I give them an oxygen mask before giving myself one (meaning I can’t nourish and serve others well if I am malnourished and lack the capacity to serve)?
If Jesus was able to rest in God multiple times a day, surely many other moms and I can do it too. Even if you can’t read a book or relax, start by praying. Pray in the bathroom, lock the door, and pray to God daily to show you how to establish mother culture and to rid your schedule, to-do list, and expectations of what truly matters.
He may even teach you how to balance ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ in your tasks and family when He calls you to rest. Stop filling your plate and start filling your rest.