Thy Will Be Done

We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. CS Lewis - ahumbleplace.com

I fear God’s will.

It’s something we’re supposed to pray for. Something we’re supposed to include in our daily chats with Him, yet I find myself hesitating when I get to that part of the prayer. “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be……done?”

I hesitate to admit to this fear because it’s such a Christian faux pas. To suggest that my Creator’s will might harm me in some way sounds disobedient at best, and possibly sacrilegious at worst. But it’s true. I fear asking God to do His will because I fear what that really looks like. I fear that He’ll actually do it.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. — Je 29:11

I know God is good. I trust that He knows far better than I do all the intricacies of life and that His will is good. But what if His will hurts? What if I don’t want to face that particular gauntlet even if I believe in my heart that it will lead to better things?

As I’ve gotten older, this fear has grown. This fear of taking a running leap of faith into the black hole of that will and not knowing how the fall is going to be, let alone what will be on the other end of the landing. What if my idea of good and His idea of good are two separate things?

The worst part, though, is that there doesn’t seem to be an end to this fear; I believe it’s something I’ll struggle with the rest of my life. (Though I’d like to believe that in my white hair days, I may have a more relaxed view of the twists and turns life can take. I hope.)

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. — 1 Co 13:12-13

This is one of my favorite passages in the Bible as it’s so easy to see myself meandering around in a fog, bumping into things.

“Someday you will see…the fog will clear…”

And that’s really what it comes down to. I may fear His will. I may be scared of the things I bump into in this perpetual fog of waiting and the inevitable bruises these collisions cause, but I hold on to the hope that the fog will clear. That someday all of this will make sense and we’ll know that it was worth it. That the journey, in hindsight, was difficult, but the view at the end was well worth the trek.

I hold on to the hope that when the sun breaks through this particular ramble through the haze, that we will be in a better place.

And so I hope for God’s will.

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2 Comments

  1. i am too. there’s nothing fancy for me to say other than, i agree with you. but i know God says that blessings come through obedience. but it’s hard. I also think that sometimes he prepares us for the hard things and I also think that he can redeem even the hardest things and if nothing else, we can learn things. i’m sorry that you’re scared. i am too.

  2. Rebecca, this tugs at my heart strings with a pull that outweighs my ability to describe it. I am sitting here with tears spilling over and shaking my head back and forth as I reread the last paragraph again and again.

    “I may fear His will. I may be scared of the things I bump into in this perpetual fog of waiting and the inevitable bruises these collisions cause, but I hold on to the hope that the fog will clear. That someday all of this will make sense and we’ll know that it was worth it. That the journey, in hindsight, was difficult, but the view at the end was well worth the trek.”

    I have recently found myself in a particularly hectic phase. I am homeschooling our 8 yo, 5 yo, we just had a baby and I began schooling a dear friend’s daughter (preschool) during this period of quarantine as she works Monday-Thursday. I consider homeschooling to be a tremendous gift I’ve been given, but have continually considered switching to some sort of curriculum that is self-taught and basically non-teacher-intensive. My husband is a teacher and coach and we own a business as well. I run the day to day of that (selahoils.com). So my plate is full, so to speak.

    This new phase (going from two kids to four in just a few months time) demands a realignment of our daily rhythm and a more orderly home, to put it mildly. LOL. I wish with all my heart to stay with the Charlotte Mason style learning, but the self-taught (student-taught) learning is so tempting. However, it would be a textbook education – not a living one. And I do sooooo want a rich education for my children. One that leaves them with countless memories of us discovering the miracles of life together as we pour over living books and trek through the woods during nature study. I am wavering on which route to take in the coming school year and found your post to be very encouraging.

    Thank you for the reminder that doing the will of our Lord is ultimately going to prove to be the most worthwhile path I could choose. Many blessings. (And tips welcome!)

    With Joy,
    Brittany

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